Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Let the clothes fall where they may.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
