Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
