my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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