Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
