i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Vodka?
Forever.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
