She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
