new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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