don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Randomize