sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
