I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
