I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
