my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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