in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
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