well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
we should paint friendship bongs
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