Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
