Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize