Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
