im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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