idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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