I wish my penis had an off switch
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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