I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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