i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
