well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
