When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
