when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
