I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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