what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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