From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
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