Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize