Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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