Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
