I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
