you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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