so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Randomize
