I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
