I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
