He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
