Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Someone shit on the floor
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
