dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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