just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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