You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
