If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
