How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
too bad you live with your parents still
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
