I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
It's never too late to be topless.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
