I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
