No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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