We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
