Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
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