i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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