i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
