Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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