I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
