I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
