Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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