yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
