U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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