I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
