so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
