so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
